1
00:00:02,929 --> 00:00:05,129
You'll never guess who came
to my house last night!

2
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,630
You're wearing a long black
rope and carrying a sickle?

3
00:00:07,631 --> 00:00:10,831
No, not the Grim Reaper.
I gotta deal with him.

4
00:00:10,832 --> 00:00:13,232
He doesn't touch me
until I start showing signs

5
00:00:13,269 --> 00:00:14,037
that I'm slipping.

6
00:00:15,404 --> 00:00:16,805
So, who came
to your house, Hank?

7
00:00:16,873 --> 00:00:18,907
Someone came to my house?

8
00:00:20,443 --> 00:00:22,777
Hang on.
I can reset him.

9
00:00:25,281 --> 00:00:26,815
Ahh.

10
00:00:26,849 --> 00:00:29,184
You'll never guess who came
to my house last night!

11
00:00:29,952 --> 00:00:31,419
Two guys trying to get me

12
00:00:31,487 --> 00:00:33,722
to sign a petition
for gay marriage.

13
00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:36,458
Did you bury them in
the basement or the attic?

14
00:00:36,492 --> 00:00:37,626
Neither.

15
00:00:37,693 --> 00:00:39,227
I happily signed
their petition.

16
00:00:39,262 --> 00:00:40,695
- You did?
- Yeah!

17
00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:42,564
You want a couple of the gays
on your block.

18
00:00:42,632 --> 00:00:45,667
They keep their yards up,
they're quiet...

19
00:00:45,735 --> 00:00:48,537
Well, except
during the Tony awards...

20
00:00:48,571 --> 00:00:50,338
And they keep
the coloreds away!

21
00:00:50,373 --> 00:00:53,675
You know, the blacks are
notoriously homophobic.

22
00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:57,479
Hold on, Hank.
You know that's not true.

23
00:00:57,513 --> 00:00:59,481
Black people
are not homophobic.

24
00:00:59,515 --> 00:01:03,652
If it's one thing I know about
my people, we're friendly.

25
00:01:09,225 --> 00:01:10,792
Mm.

26
00:01:10,826 --> 00:01:12,594
What's that scent
you're wearing?

27
00:01:12,628 --> 00:01:14,296
Fear!

28
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,509
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com

29
00:01:19,635 --> 00:01:23,538
♪ Da da da da,
da da da, da, da da ♪

30
00:01:23,573 --> 00:01:27,642
♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪

31
00:01:27,677 --> 00:01:31,780
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da da da ♪

32
00:01:31,814 --> 00:01:37,619
♪ da da da da, da da da,
da da da, da da da, hey! ♪

33
00:01:37,653 --> 00:01:40,355
Daryl, how you doing?

34
00:01:40,389 --> 00:01:41,790
Very well, Steve, thank you,

35
00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:44,526
since I've been spending
time again with Carol.

36
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,027
Oh, I didn't know you two
had reconnected.

37
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,762
Oh, yeah.

38
00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:50,799
We ran into each other a little
while back at the supermarket.

39
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,667
We had a spontaneous rendezvous

40
00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:55,570
behind the deli counter
near the employee time clock.

41
00:01:55,605 --> 00:02:00,275
I think I punched in
for Hector Gonzales 15 times.

42
00:02:00,309 --> 00:02:02,777
Well, anything I can do
for a fellow immigrant.

43
00:02:04,313 --> 00:02:06,433
Will you excuse me, Carol?
I just need to use the loo.

44
00:02:06,449 --> 00:02:08,283
"The loo"?

45
00:02:08,317 --> 00:02:10,619
Why are those brits
so pretentious?

46
00:02:10,686 --> 00:02:12,520
Just call it
what it really is...

47
00:02:12,555 --> 00:02:13,688
A powder room...

48
00:02:13,756 --> 00:02:15,657
Where you take a crap!

49
00:02:15,691 --> 00:02:17,525
I think his accent's cool.

50
00:02:17,593 --> 00:02:18,860
Me too.

51
00:02:18,894 --> 00:02:21,529
And I've been with a few
englishmen in my time.

52
00:02:21,597 --> 00:02:23,732
I was sort of
an unofficial Bond girl.

53
00:02:23,799 --> 00:02:25,333
"Unofficial"?

54
00:02:25,368 --> 00:02:27,502
Well, I was never
in a Bond movie,

55
00:02:27,536 --> 00:02:30,438
but I did spend a long weekend
with Sean Connery.

56
00:02:30,473 --> 00:02:33,642
He's a very gifted man,
if you know what I mean.

57
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:37,579
More like a 008 1/2.

58
00:02:39,282 --> 00:02:41,549
Oh, Daryl, do you want
to have a quick drink

59
00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:43,451
and then head back to my place?

60
00:02:43,486 --> 00:02:44,786
Oh, I'd love to,
but I got an early morning.

61
00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:47,922
But I can't wait
to see you tomorrow.

62
00:02:47,957 --> 00:02:49,524
Me too, sweetie.

63
00:02:49,558 --> 00:02:51,426
Bye-bye!

64
00:02:51,494 --> 00:02:53,528
Yeah, that's over.

65
00:02:54,697 --> 00:02:56,018
Carol, what are you
talking about?

66
00:02:56,065 --> 00:02:57,599
It looks like things
are going great with you two.

67
00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:58,967
No, they're not.

68
00:02:59,001 --> 00:03:01,603
We just had one of
the worst dates ever.

69
00:03:01,637 --> 00:03:03,405
All we did was hold hands,

70
00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,607
get lost in each other's eyes,

71
00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:06,908
and talk all night!

72
00:03:06,942 --> 00:03:09,044
Wow. What a disaster.

73
00:03:10,513 --> 00:03:12,914
I don't know, Carol.
It sounds pretty romantic to me.

74
00:03:12,948 --> 00:03:14,916
Well, if that's what
you're into.

75
00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:16,551
Usually, after dinner,

76
00:03:16,585 --> 00:03:18,820
we like to get freaky
right on top of the table.

77
00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:20,255
But tonight, nothing!

78
00:03:20,289 --> 00:03:21,690
I thought you went
to a restaurant.

79
00:03:21,724 --> 00:03:23,858
We did!

80
00:03:23,893 --> 00:03:26,061
Do you like spending
time with Daryl?

81
00:03:26,095 --> 00:03:27,495
Does he make you laugh?

82
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:28,963
Do you feel safe
when you're with him?

83
00:03:28,998 --> 00:03:31,333
Well, yes,
except when we're doing

84
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:33,001
that thing with the harness.

85
00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:35,870
But we do have a safe word.

86
00:03:35,905 --> 00:03:37,405
It's... it's...

87
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,741
Probably never been used.

88
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:42,677
I don't know, Carol.

89
00:03:42,712 --> 00:03:45,947
It sounds to me like
Daryl is your boyfriend.

90
00:03:45,981 --> 00:03:48,717
So, is this something I want?

91
00:03:48,751 --> 00:03:51,820
Yes.
It's what we all want!

92
00:03:53,856 --> 00:03:57,359
Holy crap.
I'm all alone.

93
00:03:57,426 --> 00:03:58,993
I have a boyfriend.

94
00:03:59,061 --> 00:04:02,397
I-I need a moment
to process this.

95
00:04:02,431 --> 00:04:05,333
I'm someone's girlfriend.

96
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,369
I'm exclusive.

97
00:04:07,403 --> 00:04:10,805
I can only have sex
with one person.

98
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,709
I feel trapped.

99
00:04:14,777 --> 00:04:17,879
I can't breathe.

100
00:04:17,913 --> 00:04:20,415
Carol, Carol, Carol,

101
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:22,717
it's just something that
you have to get used to.

102
00:04:22,752 --> 00:04:24,452
I guess you're right.

103
00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:28,356
It has been nice to have someone
to share my life with.

104
00:04:28,391 --> 00:04:30,825
I have a boyfriend!

105
00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:32,761
Let me take this
for a test-drive.

106
00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:35,630
Hi, there.

107
00:04:35,664 --> 00:04:36,798
Hi.

108
00:04:36,866 --> 00:04:38,106
Do you want to go out sometime?

109
00:04:38,134 --> 00:04:39,434
Sure.

110
00:04:39,468 --> 00:04:42,637
I can't.
I have a boyfriend.

111
00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,074
I love this!

112
00:04:46,108 --> 00:04:47,876
Aw, that's great, Carol.

113
00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:49,711
I'm really happy for you.

114
00:04:49,745 --> 00:04:51,913
I'm gonna go adopt a cat.

115
00:04:53,182 --> 00:04:55,917
Owen, it looks like your mom's
really into Daryl.

116
00:04:55,951 --> 00:04:57,752
Yeah.

117
00:04:57,787 --> 00:05:00,622
That dude is seriously cutting
into my mother-and-son time,

118
00:05:00,656 --> 00:05:03,525
and he thinks he's cool 'cause
he's all English and stuff.

119
00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:05,894
He keeps saying that he wants me
to be his mate.

120
00:05:05,928 --> 00:05:07,629
That's sick.

121
00:05:07,663 --> 00:05:08,830
Daryl's a great guy.

122
00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:10,532
You should just hang out
with him.

123
00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:12,867
You know, I got these two
Pirate tickets, and I can't go.

124
00:05:12,902 --> 00:05:14,402
Why don't you invite Daryl?

125
00:05:14,470 --> 00:05:16,805
Really? Take a British guy
to a baseball game?

126
00:05:16,872 --> 00:05:18,139
I can just hear it now.

127
00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:19,641
"Jolly good hit.

128
00:05:19,675 --> 00:05:21,876
Well done, you Pirates!"

129
00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:24,045
No way.

130
00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:26,481
Owen, your mom deserves
someone in her life.

131
00:05:26,549 --> 00:05:27,715
Do it for her.

132
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,517
Aw, man,
when you put it like that,

133
00:05:29,552 --> 00:05:30,785
I can't say no, can I?

134
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:31,753
No.

135
00:05:31,821 --> 00:05:33,521
All right.

136
00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:34,989
But if I'm good, do you think
he'll buy me a foam finger?

137
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:36,758
I don't know, Owen.
Will you buy me a foam finger?

138
00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:38,793
I just gave you
two free tickets!

139
00:05:38,828 --> 00:05:39,928
Give me the finger!

140
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,052
Mom, what are you doing?

141
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,588
An experiment
to increase beer sales.

142
00:05:48,622 --> 00:05:51,458
I've coated these pretzels
with a paste

143
00:05:51,492 --> 00:05:54,394
made from spicy Korean
gochujang peppers.

144
00:05:54,428 --> 00:05:55,862
Watch.

145
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,666
Test subject number one.

146
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:02,969
Lower than average
intelligence.

147
00:06:03,903 --> 00:06:07,206
Of arab descent who comes
from desert climate.

148
00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:12,945
Ahmed, pretzel?

149
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:14,480
Thanks.

150
00:06:18,518 --> 00:06:20,552
Aah!

151
00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:25,891
He just activated
a sleeper cell!

152
00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,493
It's the end of the world!

153
00:06:29,963 --> 00:06:31,897
Steve, another beer!

154
00:06:31,931 --> 00:06:33,232
Ahmed, are you okay?

155
00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,100
I think one of my
fillings just melted!

156
00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:39,004
Hypothesis proven.

157
00:06:39,039 --> 00:06:41,874
Spicy pretzels sell cold beer.

158
00:06:41,941 --> 00:06:43,809
Where did you come up
with this recipe?

159
00:06:43,843 --> 00:06:45,144
Old family snack.

160
00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:46,412
Grandma fed you these?

161
00:06:46,479 --> 00:06:48,414
Oh, no.
We couldn't afford pretzels.

162
00:06:48,448 --> 00:06:50,949
She put the peppers
between two scorpions,

163
00:06:50,984 --> 00:06:52,785
and we ate it like a sandwich.

164
00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:57,456
Test subject number two.

165
00:06:57,490 --> 00:06:59,324
Approaches sample product.

166
00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:01,093
Unhappily married man,

167
00:07:01,127 --> 00:07:04,196
also of lower than
average intelligence.

168
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:15,974
You want a beer, Roy?

169
00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:17,242
No, I'm good.

170
00:07:18,912 --> 00:07:20,345
How's your mouth not on fire?

171
00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:22,314
My mom put Korean peppers
on those.

172
00:07:22,348 --> 00:07:23,882
I'm from the South.

173
00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:25,990
We put spicier stuff down
my grandma's feeding tube.

174
00:07:29,522 --> 00:07:30,989
Hey, Owen,
did you guys have fun?

175
00:07:31,057 --> 00:07:32,558
A jolly good time.
I caught a ball!

176
00:07:32,592 --> 00:07:34,393
I caught a foul ball.

177
00:07:35,562 --> 00:07:37,863
It's from the concessions stand.

178
00:07:37,897 --> 00:07:40,999
When he took a nap,
I stuck it in his glove.

179
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,301
Hey, sorry about your car.

180
00:07:42,368 --> 00:07:44,436
My mom should have told you
what happens

181
00:07:44,471 --> 00:07:46,271
when I eat too
much cotton candy.

182
00:07:46,306 --> 00:07:47,439
He threw up?

183
00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,607
I wish.

184
00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:51,510
Hi, gorgeous.

185
00:07:51,544 --> 00:07:53,512
Hi, boyfriend!

186
00:07:53,546 --> 00:07:56,115
Hey, Steve, thanks again
for hooking me up with Daryl.

187
00:07:56,149 --> 00:07:57,483
We had so much fun together.

188
00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:59,051
Daryl's a great guy.

189
00:07:59,085 --> 00:08:02,187
I realize my mom deserves
someone in her life.

190
00:08:02,222 --> 00:08:03,989
I just had to get
to know Daryl better.

191
00:08:04,023 --> 00:08:06,558
It's like this little voice
popped in my head and said,

192
00:08:06,593 --> 00:08:07,493
"do it for her."

193
00:08:07,527 --> 00:08:08,961
I was that little voice.

194
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,329
I told you that yesterday.

195
00:08:10,363 --> 00:08:11,630
Really, Steve?

196
00:08:11,664 --> 00:08:14,032
Man, if it isn't about you
for 30 seconds.

197
00:08:16,569 --> 00:08:20,305
I'm just glad
everything went well.

198
00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:21,573
Yeah.
We just need to hang out.

199
00:08:21,641 --> 00:08:22,908
You know what?

200
00:08:22,942 --> 00:08:24,376
Daryl is like the dad
I never had.

201
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,979
I'm gonna do all the
father-and-son stuff with him

202
00:08:27,013 --> 00:08:28,514
that I never got to do
as a kid.

203
00:08:28,581 --> 00:08:30,349
You might want
to slow down, Owen.

204
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:32,284
I know you missed out
on some stuff,

205
00:08:32,318 --> 00:08:34,253
but why don't you take it
one day at a time?

206
00:08:34,287 --> 00:08:35,988
You don't want
to overwhelm this guy.

207
00:08:36,055 --> 00:08:37,456
That's really good advice.

208
00:08:37,524 --> 00:08:39,925
How come you never tell me
smart stuff like that, Steve?

209
00:08:42,128 --> 00:08:44,363
Don't worry, Jack.
I'll give Daryl his space.

210
00:08:44,397 --> 00:08:46,899
Hey, kids!
Awful quiet over here.

211
00:08:46,933 --> 00:08:48,667
What's going on?

212
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:51,403
I was just thinking how
beautiful your mother is.

213
00:08:51,437 --> 00:08:52,905
Aw, Daryl.

214
00:08:52,939 --> 00:08:54,573
Now what are you thinking?

215
00:08:56,976 --> 00:09:01,513
How small my hand feels
inside yours.

216
00:09:01,548 --> 00:09:02,948
So, Daryl,
you sleeping over tonight?

217
00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:04,917
Oh, well, I'm not sure.

218
00:09:04,951 --> 00:09:06,385
It's all right with me.

219
00:09:06,419 --> 00:09:08,620
Cool! When you're done with
my mom, we can make popcorn!

220
00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:16,161
Hey, Ok Cha, I'm gonna show you

221
00:09:16,196 --> 00:09:17,396
what real spicy food
tastes like.

222
00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:21,567
Say hello to grandma's
Alabama sassy wings.

223
00:09:24,204 --> 00:09:26,905
What are in these things?

224
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:30,409
Lemon juice, cayenne pepper,
and a splash of kerosene.

225
00:09:31,611 --> 00:09:33,245
Cute.

226
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:37,449
In Korea, we have more kick
in our baby formula.

227
00:09:37,483 --> 00:09:39,918
They're hotter
than your wimpy pretzels.

228
00:09:39,986 --> 00:09:42,287
Oh, sounds like a challenge.

229
00:09:42,355 --> 00:09:43,455
You guys want to put
some money on it?

230
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,123
Oh, no.

231
00:09:45,158 --> 00:09:47,059
We play for something
more important than money.

232
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:49,528
We play for national pride.

233
00:09:49,562 --> 00:09:54,333
Korean spicy kicks U.S.
spicy's ass every time.

234
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:57,369
Say, Roy, ready to represent
your country?

235
00:09:57,403 --> 00:10:00,939
It would be my honor.

236
00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:03,108
So you two head-to-head
in a knockdown,

237
00:10:03,142 --> 00:10:05,444
drag-out, spicy-food competition
for no money?

238
00:10:05,478 --> 00:10:08,180
For the honor of my people.

239
00:10:08,214 --> 00:10:11,617
And
the United States of America.

240
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:14,386
Screw that.
I got 50 bucks on my wife.

241
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:17,556
I've seen her put out cigarettes
on her tongue.

242
00:10:17,624 --> 00:10:19,258
I got 50 bucks on my mom.

243
00:10:19,292 --> 00:10:21,326
I'm going usa.
My money's on Roy.

244
00:10:21,361 --> 00:10:24,196
Me too! Nothing more important
than your country!

245
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:27,165
Our forefathers died
so we could bet on a black man

246
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,035
against a Korean woman
in an eating competition.

247
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:34,273
Oh, God, here I go.

248
00:10:35,642 --> 00:10:38,377
Well,
it's been a very long day.

249
00:10:38,444 --> 00:10:41,246
I think I should
probably turn in.

250
00:10:41,281 --> 00:10:42,581
So, what you doing tomorrow?

251
00:10:42,649 --> 00:10:44,329
Well, actually,
Daryl's taking me to lunch.

252
00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:46,351
How can he do that if he's
taking me to the car museum?

253
00:10:46,386 --> 00:10:47,252
The what?!

254
00:10:47,287 --> 00:10:49,121
You do know I have a job?

255
00:10:49,155 --> 00:10:50,689
Of course you do.

256
00:10:50,723 --> 00:10:53,425
How else could you afford
to take me to a car museum

257
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:56,528
and treat us
to a couple's massage?

258
00:10:56,562 --> 00:10:57,729
So what do you say, Daryl?

259
00:10:57,797 --> 00:10:59,264
Well, well, I-I don't know.

260
00:10:59,299 --> 00:11:00,632
Owen, I think
you're making Daryl

261
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,067
feel a little uncomfortable.

262
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:05,137
Oh, that ship has sailed.
See?

263
00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:07,539
Just shows you he actually
wants to take me to lunch.

264
00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:09,207
You're being a total Daryl hog.

265
00:11:09,242 --> 00:11:10,609
What do you mean?!
You've had him all day.

266
00:11:10,643 --> 00:11:12,144
This is my turn!
That's no fair.

267
00:11:12,211 --> 00:11:14,046
Like the needlepoint pillow
on our couch says,

268
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:14,813
life's a bitch.

269
00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:17,582
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's not fight.

270
00:11:17,617 --> 00:11:19,518
Well, tell Owen
not to be so needy.

271
00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:21,553
Me? You're the one being
all clingy.

272
00:11:21,587 --> 00:11:23,067
Actually, I don't think
the two of you

273
00:11:23,089 --> 00:11:24,156
are being any of those things.

274
00:11:24,190 --> 00:11:25,271
Then what do you think, dad?

275
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,359
"Dad"?

276
00:11:27,393 --> 00:11:29,261
Ah, right.
You're English.

277
00:11:29,295 --> 00:11:31,596
Perhaps I should
call you "fatha."

278
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:35,167
A British accent?!

279
00:11:35,234 --> 00:11:36,368
You're such a kiss-ass!

280
00:11:36,402 --> 00:11:37,836
I learned from the best.

281
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:38,637
Brat!

282
00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:39,338
Dominatrix.

283
00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:42,774
Delightful as this is,

284
00:11:42,809 --> 00:11:45,177
it seems that you two
are at an impasse,

285
00:11:45,211 --> 00:11:48,380
so why don't you give me a call
when you sort this out, hmm?

286
00:11:48,414 --> 00:11:49,314
No, no, no, no!
Baby, wait!

287
00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:50,482
Thanks a lot!

288
00:11:50,516 --> 00:11:52,150
You just ran off my dad!

289
00:11:52,218 --> 00:11:55,754
Me?!
You crapped in his car!

290
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:00,625
Ladies and gentlemen,

291
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:03,462
welcome to the first ever
Sullivan and son spice-off!

292
00:12:05,465 --> 00:12:08,767
Who here would like to see
Melanie walk around in a bikini

293
00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:10,168
with round numbers?

294
00:12:11,604 --> 00:12:14,072
Not happening.

295
00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:15,340
In this corner,

296
00:12:15,408 --> 00:12:17,542
weighing 85 pounds
of mean and cruel,

297
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:19,344
Ok Cha Sullivan!

298
00:12:22,348 --> 00:12:23,482
And in this corner,

299
00:12:23,516 --> 00:12:25,183
weighing... considerably more,

300
00:12:25,218 --> 00:12:27,185
he would rather
burn his face off

301
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,854
than spend time with his wife,

302
00:12:28,921 --> 00:12:31,123
Roy Williams Jr.!

303
00:12:33,292 --> 00:12:35,761
Okay. If you experience any
tingling in your extremities,

304
00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,896
if your tongue or throat
begins to swell,

305
00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:40,365
or you think you're gonna
pass out, drink this.

306
00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:41,767
It's a neutralizing solution

307
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:44,336
made of yogurt, bananas,
orange rinds, and yeast.

308
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:46,138
Oh. Put a little
vodkee in that

309
00:12:46,172 --> 00:12:47,672
and it's a nice holiday drink.

310
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:49,741
All right.
Here are the rules.

311
00:12:49,776 --> 00:12:51,309
You have to clean your plate,

312
00:12:51,377 --> 00:12:52,911
there's no leaving the table,

313
00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:56,248
and the first to drink the
neutralizing solution loses.

314
00:12:56,315 --> 00:12:59,785
Now, who thinks that this Mike
makes me sexy?

315
00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:06,358
Round 1!

316
00:13:06,392 --> 00:13:09,761
Roy will be eating chicken feet
dipped in Korean fire sauce!

317
00:13:17,503 --> 00:13:21,239
If you were going for bland,
you nailed it.

318
00:13:22,341 --> 00:13:24,342
Next up,

319
00:13:24,377 --> 00:13:25,911
ok cha will be eating
an American classic,

320
00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:28,447
Roy's spicy sausage!

321
00:13:30,917 --> 00:13:32,717
Come on, people.

322
00:13:32,752 --> 00:13:36,421
My mouth is a-burning!

323
00:13:39,492 --> 00:13:40,525
I surrender!

324
00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:45,197
Psych, bitch.

325
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,064
Dominatrix before brats.

326
00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:58,167
When I'm your mom again,
that's a time-out, Mr. Man.

327
00:13:58,202 --> 00:14:00,737
Come on, you two.
Knock it off.

328
00:14:00,871 --> 00:14:03,873
Carol, there's nothing wrong
with you wanting a boyfriend,

329
00:14:03,907 --> 00:14:05,174
and, Owen, you wanting a dad,

330
00:14:05,209 --> 00:14:06,809
but you're fighting
over the same man.

331
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:08,378
You're like two drunk
sorority sisters.

332
00:14:08,445 --> 00:14:10,313
What do you suggest we do?

333
00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:13,249
Well, it looks like one of you
is going to have to step aside.

334
00:14:13,283 --> 00:14:14,450
I guess you're right.

335
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:16,152
But it won't be me.

336
00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:18,354
I provide a lot of things
for Daryl that Owen can't.

337
00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:19,689
Name one.

338
00:14:19,757 --> 00:14:21,791
I can name two.

339
00:14:25,262 --> 00:14:27,096
Come on, buddy.
You can do it.

340
00:14:27,131 --> 00:14:28,931
You feel the heat, Roy?

341
00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:31,100
It's getting hotter and hotter.

342
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:33,469
Just quit now
before it gets ugly.

343
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:35,171
That's your trash talk?

344
00:14:35,205 --> 00:14:37,740
Without bringing race
into it, yes.

345
00:14:40,978 --> 00:14:43,179
Your ghost pepper Bulgogi
is a joke!

346
00:14:44,882 --> 00:14:46,816
Let's see how you handle
my Alabama reaper gumbo.

347
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,718
You know why they call it that?

348
00:14:48,786 --> 00:14:51,054
'Cause it's from Alabama
and it's gumbo.

349
00:14:52,389 --> 00:14:55,858
You know, my contacts
are a little dry.

350
00:14:55,926 --> 00:14:58,461
I need a few drops.

351
00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:04,167
Shit just got real.

352
00:15:05,502 --> 00:15:06,903
That's the end of round 2...

353
00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:09,105
And my mom's 20/20 vision.

354
00:15:09,139 --> 00:15:10,940
Eaters, to your corners!

355
00:15:10,974 --> 00:15:12,942
I'm not afraid of you,
dragon lady!

356
00:15:15,145 --> 00:15:16,412
You okay, Roy?

357
00:15:16,447 --> 00:15:18,214
She put it in her eye, man.

358
00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:20,249
Bitch is crazy!
I want to go home!

359
00:15:20,284 --> 00:15:21,350
Don't let her get in your head!

360
00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:23,352
Her freaking eye, man!

361
00:15:23,387 --> 00:15:25,521
Sweetheart,
you got this in the bag.

362
00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:26,823
I'm on fire.

363
00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:27,924
Yeah, mom.
You're destroying him.

364
00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:31,194
No, dumb shit, I'm on fire!

365
00:15:31,228 --> 00:15:32,995
My teeth are bleeding,

366
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:35,832
and my gumbo eye
is a-swelling shut.

367
00:15:35,899 --> 00:15:38,167
Come on, mom.
We got money riding on this.

368
00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:40,970
I thought I'd never say this
to you, but suck it up!

369
00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:42,738
No, it's okay whatever you do.

370
00:15:42,773 --> 00:15:44,974
You don't have to prove
anything to anybody.

371
00:15:45,042 --> 00:15:48,744
Who cares if America beats Korea
this one time?

372
00:15:48,779 --> 00:15:50,079
It's no big deal.

373
00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:52,148
It is to me!

374
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:55,218
The ghosts of my ancestors
will haunt me forever!

375
00:15:55,285 --> 00:15:56,786
I don't deserve that.

376
00:15:56,820 --> 00:15:58,554
I'm the nice one in the family!

377
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:01,390
I'm going back in.

378
00:16:01,425 --> 00:16:05,394
Reverse psychology.
That's how I proposed.

379
00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:10,066
Thank you so much
for coming, Daryl.

380
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:11,467
Yeah, we really appreciate it.

381
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,836
So, you mentioned you had
figured things out.

382
00:16:13,904 --> 00:16:16,305
Yeah, we realized we couldn't
keep fighting over you

383
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,040
and one of us had to back off,

384
00:16:18,108 --> 00:16:19,809
so I've decided...

385
00:16:19,843 --> 00:16:21,077
That you should decide.

386
00:16:23,947 --> 00:16:26,048
Oh, you're serious?

387
00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:29,118
Well, uh, this is new territory
for me,

388
00:16:29,153 --> 00:16:32,054
uh, but I suppose
if forced to make a choice,

389
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:34,090
I'd have to go with Carol.

390
00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:35,858
Oh!

391
00:16:35,893 --> 00:16:39,896
I did not see that coming.

392
00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:42,131
Maybe next time, sweetie.

393
00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:44,467
Yeah.
Congratulations, mom.

394
00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:46,435
I'm really happy for you.

395
00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:47,937
Thank you, Owen.

396
00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:48,971
Well, are you ready?

397
00:16:49,006 --> 00:16:50,473
Mm-hmm.

398
00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,475
Goodbye, mom.

399
00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:55,278
I'll try and wait up for you.

400
00:16:56,513 --> 00:16:59,415
Oh, sweetie...

401
00:16:59,449 --> 00:17:00,516
Shall we?

402
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,218
You're gonna walk out on my son

403
00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:03,252
while he's in pain?

404
00:17:03,287 --> 00:17:04,921
I just said "shall we?"

405
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:06,556
After you said you're ready.

406
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,558
You know, I can't do this.

407
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:11,093
I want to share my life
with someone,

408
00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:13,596
but I realize
I already have that person.

409
00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,264
It's my baby.

410
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:18,067
There just might not be room
for someone else right now.

411
00:17:18,101 --> 00:17:20,236
Oh, I think you'll be fine.

412
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,438
Your baby's 30.

413
00:17:22,472 --> 00:17:25,374
I don't expect anybody else
to understand what we have.

414
00:17:25,409 --> 00:17:26,642
Are you sure, mom?

415
00:17:26,677 --> 00:17:28,344
You really like
having a boyfriend.

416
00:17:28,412 --> 00:17:31,214
I do.
But you're my number one.

417
00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:32,448
Aw, mom.

418
00:17:32,482 --> 00:17:35,551
Well,
I did not see that coming.

419
00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:39,255
Well, goodbye, Carol.

420
00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:41,991
Goodbye, boyfriend.

421
00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:44,460
Goodbye, "fatha."

422
00:17:46,363 --> 00:17:49,232
And after three riviting rounds

423
00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:52,168
at the Sullivan and son spice-off,
still no winner.

424
00:17:52,202 --> 00:17:54,170
May we have the final plates,
please?

425
00:17:54,204 --> 00:17:58,941
Very spicy.
Eat them before they eat you.

426
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,277
As a health professional,

427
00:18:01,311 --> 00:18:03,646
I just have to say
you two are gonna die.

428
00:18:04,948 --> 00:18:07,483
And now, from the steamy state
of Alabama,

429
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:10,886
Ok Cha will be eating
atomic gator tails!

430
00:18:12,289 --> 00:18:15,691
And from the unforgiving
isthmus of Korea,

431
00:18:15,726 --> 00:18:19,462
Roy will attempt to eat the
dreaded weeping blowfish cake.

432
00:18:22,366 --> 00:18:24,900
Remember, Sullivan and son assumes
no liability for any injuries

433
00:18:24,935 --> 00:18:27,069
that may occur as a result
of ingesting said food,

434
00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:28,504
including, but not limited to,

435
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:30,406
mouth lesions, hair loss,
and explosive diarrhea.

436
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,109
Hey, may the best man win!

437
00:18:33,143 --> 00:18:34,243
He must mean me,

438
00:18:34,278 --> 00:18:36,512
since I'm the only man
at the table.

439
00:18:36,546 --> 00:18:40,950
Trust me, we've talked about
you having a dong for years.

440
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,690
Come on, big boy.
You can do this.

441
00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,358
Hang in there.

442
00:18:49,393 --> 00:18:51,060
Come on.
Hang in there.

443
00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:53,562
Two superpowers,

444
00:18:53,597 --> 00:18:56,198
USA against Korea,

445
00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:57,566
going head-to-head.

446
00:18:57,601 --> 00:18:59,568
Let's turn up the reverb for...

447
00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:02,338
Dramatic effect!

448
00:19:07,144 --> 00:19:09,679
I know you want to drink this,
fat boy.

449
00:19:11,315 --> 00:19:13,282
Put an end to your pain.

450
00:19:13,317 --> 00:19:14,750
Don't do it, Roy.

451
00:19:14,785 --> 00:19:18,220
You need this more than I do,
old lady.

452
00:19:18,255 --> 00:19:20,589
No!

453
00:19:26,029 --> 00:19:27,730
All right, all right, all right!
I'm ending this!

454
00:19:27,764 --> 00:19:29,365
I'm not gonna lose my license

455
00:19:29,399 --> 00:19:31,400
because a couple of idiots
don't know when to stop!

456
00:19:31,435 --> 00:19:35,137
You are both drinking this
right now!

457
00:19:35,172 --> 00:19:38,007
This is empty.
What the hell happened to it?

458
00:19:38,075 --> 00:19:39,642
Oh. My bad.

459
00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:43,045
Well, it's so good, who can wait
for the holidays?

460
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:51,677
So, how did things
turn out with Daryl?

461
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,112
We broke up with him.

462
00:19:53,147 --> 00:19:54,180
He wasn't ready for us.

463
00:19:54,415 --> 00:19:55,815
Ah.
I'm sorry to hear that.

464
00:19:55,850 --> 00:19:57,784
But that's what I love
about you guys.

465
00:19:57,818 --> 00:20:00,253
You always put each other first,
above anybody.

466
00:20:00,321 --> 00:20:02,755
Does it sometimes
cross the line?

467
00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,324
Often.

468
00:20:04,358 --> 00:20:06,226
But that's what
makes you special.

469
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:08,528
Thing is, it could be
a little hard for you

470
00:20:08,562 --> 00:20:10,430
to find a man
to share that with.

471
00:20:10,464 --> 00:20:11,464
We know, Jack.

472
00:20:11,498 --> 00:20:12,866
Yeah, but we're not giving up.

473
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:14,868
I'm actually on Tinder
right now,

474
00:20:14,902 --> 00:20:16,202
looking for a rebound dad.

475
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:17,437
Oh, I like him.

476
00:20:17,471 --> 00:20:19,139
He looks like
he'd be a good dad.

477
00:20:19,206 --> 00:20:21,274
And maybe a boyfriend
for you, mom.

478
00:20:21,309 --> 00:20:23,443
Good luck, you two.

479
00:20:23,477 --> 00:20:26,880
I've never seen two more
stubborn people in my life.

480
00:20:26,914 --> 00:20:28,181
Just admit it's a tie.

481
00:20:28,215 --> 00:20:29,849
Look, there's no shame

482
00:20:29,884 --> 00:20:31,785
in admitting this stuff's
too spicy for you.

483
00:20:31,819 --> 00:20:33,053
Nobody can eat this stuff.

484
00:20:33,087 --> 00:20:35,889
Pedro, don't, don't,
don't, don't!

485
00:20:35,923 --> 00:20:38,258
No bueno.
Needs hot sauce.

486
00:20:38,283 --> 00:20:41,283
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com